The legend of the lucky scarf!

Yes, the lucky scarf* has come through again, assuring victory for the Wallabies in last week's game against the All-Blacks in Melbourne. Here it is being modelled by my paduan, Darth Maul. The proud record of the lucky scarf: it has never seen the Wallabies lose a live match!!!

* For those who came in late: the lucky scarf was forged form in the deep caverns of a novocastrian helmhome known to the local orcs as "cathie'smum'splaceinparkwayavenue". The scarf was delivered in secret to me in Adelaide as the weapon for an Australian win in the 1993 World Cup Rugby. These were dark times as noble knights such as Sir Joe Roff were displaced from the crusade by weasils and drug addicts but the lucky scarf remained a beacon for the Wallabies until the final hours before the coup-de-grace from Sir Jonathon Wilkinson of England.

The lucky scarf was first unfurled in the Australia -v- Numibia world cup game in 1993. The Wallabies won by more than 100 points and the lion tamers of the veld were tamed by a mysterious force that night in Adelaide.

Then on to Australia-v- Ireland in Melbourne. Australia led by one point with ten minutes to go. Ireland threw the might of the green army against the Wallaby line and many Australian players stood tall to the task, including Sir Joe Roff who refused, alone, to yield at the last line of defence to the bald giant Sir Keith Wood, barely 5 metres from the Wallaby line. There was a strange force that protected the Wallaby line that rainy night in sodden Melbourne town!

But the storm clouds of a black fate for the Wallabies were gathering in olde Sydney town for a showdown with the all-conquering head-hunters from New Zealand. Weakened in their ranks by the undermining politics of a group known as "leaguies" the Wallabies were facing their sternest test and an unlikely victory until the lucky scarf intervened at Telstra Stadium. Against all odds the Wallabies triumphed.

Only the will of St George stood between the Wallabies and ultimate victory. Unfortunately, by a series of ill-adventures (see Episode #531) the lucky scarf was not delivered to the final contest and, sadly, the Wallabies lost by 3 points, riddled by corruption and indecision.

In an effort to re-build the Wallaby pride, a contest with the cannibal tribes of the Pacific Island nations was organised in Adelaide the next year. Many brave Wallabies such as young Clive Rathbone lost their heads in a fearsome battle. While the lucky scarf was able to ensure victory for the Wallabies, tragedy struck the greatest of their ranks, Sir Joe. Falling to a a trap laid by the evil Fijian groundsman Les ("Tui 'Fa 'Fa") Burdett, Joe was carried from the ground swearing loudly that he would become a better family man.

In its latest outing, the lucky scarf endured scorn and pity in Melbourne last week by the Maori cannibals in the pre-game rituals, only to later bless another miraculous win by the the Wallabies. After the contest many Maories came to understand the source of their torment (perhaps by the loose-lipped ravings of the scarf-bearer who was weighed down with the responsibilty of such a treasure) and they sought to steal the lucky scarf back to the land of the long white cloud. Fortunately it was held safe, possibly Australia's most important and valuable asset in the quest for world domination.

Frodo Baggins