Those little birdies are talking....

So this appeared in the paper today....
Dad says he has classes to teach, zac is more interested in "studying" at uni and theres rules against mum, liz and I playing so we think they are going to ask you joe, just giving you the heads up :)

kate

Weekly Cal Sports Report.

Cal playing for Catholic Sports Club under 10s v. Norths had the bowling figures of 3 - 0 foff 3 overs including a hatrick. Bowled, bowled and bowled. Each ball saw his run up get progessively longer. There are Kenyan Olympians that would be blowing hard after 1 of his deliveries. No sympathy for the poor batsmen waiting a whole week to face 1 delivery. He also scored 15 runs and was filthy that he was bowled by a mulligrubber. Dad snavelled the ball to make a trophy as Cal is unaware that this is a rare feat. Next week - rally cars.

Too cool for school

After Grandfather Glenn's earlier efforts, Grandfather Brian continues to be unimpressive to Lachlan, as does his cousin Bailey. We are trying to work out whether it is arrogance or disinterest.

Cooda been a champion

This is Kelly's shot from the green room of the Canberra ABC studios' of my intetrview with the 'coodabeen champions'. I had just played my 'Country Oz Sport Rock' at the Queens Baton relay during the day. It was a pleasant chat with the boys, as a number of topics were discussed - I am always happy to talk about Joe and his accomplishments, but being Melbourne boys, they went off on different tangents as well, which was good - I even got a chance to mention 'Roff the dog'.

My next gig is at the Canberra day celebrations in two weeks, which usually draws around 25,000 people. The headliners this year are 'Something for Kate', 'Alex loyd', and 'Beccy Cole'. They throw me on during the day while one local band is packing their gear up behind (and sometimes around) me, and another local band is setting up. I do however get a 'Backstage Pass to hang around my neck, and access to the beer rider!!

word around the water hole....

So during the Western Force's latest loss (a clever ruse to lull the other teams, and the rest of Australia, into a false sense of security), the commentator curiously mentioned the following:

"I'm not sure what the Force could use, Joe Roff is in town, they could do alot worse, and I think the call has already been made...."

Dad reckons after his last dig at Joe on the blog for being a forgotten name, he is now mentioned everywhere; not only signing at Oxford and getting a run in WA commentary but the horse "Our Smoking Joe" also won today at good odds. Clearly he has connections.

Kate

By Popular Demand

Due to persistent questioning by parents, relatives and friends, I

thought I better give a quick update on my life in the Emerald Isle.

For Starters, I found it more difficult getting a job in the labouring business than I thought it actually would be. Unfortunately this has meant that I will have to move back into the hospitality industry. (I just keep thinking of Michael Corleone in Godfather III saying, "Just
when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!"). To that end I've basically accepted a live-in job at a pub in a place called Carna. It's not a done deal, but it should be. Now, for those of you with a map handy, find Galway and then trace west with your finger, following the coastline, and almost right on the edge of the earth is Carna. You can also find a few pictures and some information on the hotel by typing 'Carna Bay Hotel' into Google. It seems like a nice place and
I'm looking forward to it, although the woman said to me that if I was after a vibrant night life, this isn't the place. I think it has a population of about 200, which then expands during summer. Oh well. I've experienced no night life. I've visited Victoria and South Australia.

In the meantime I've been staying with a really nice family in a place north of Dublin - about 20 minutes on the train - which I've used as a base to explore a few places like: the local pub, where I already know three-quarters of the staff; the Wicklow Mountains (spectacular);
Drogheda (seeing the severed head of St Oliver Plunkett, so well preserved after about 400 years, is surreal to say the least); and Dublin itself. This has given me the opportunity to notice the main thing (aside from the fact nothing opens before ten and then shuts at four. 'But the sign at the front says you close at 5!' To which the response is almost inevitably 'No, that's the time that we leave. 4 is the time that we close.' At which point I get that look saying 'Bloody
ignorant tourist') I've found frustrating in Dublin people. And that is that they can't seem to walk in a straight line. You could be walking behind someone, then move to the left to overtake them (because, they're also walking quite slowly, and I may not have anywhere to go, but I want to get there as quickly as possible) and they will start drifting across in front of you. So you move to the other side and they stumble back as well. And it's not just me they're doing it to. I sat in a cafe the other day and watched the same thing happening to other people.

Ultimately, though, you will all just have to trust me and know that I will keep you posted when I feel all parties concerned are ready.

The 'Daniel Roff: Existentialist Wanderings and other Philosophical Musings' tour diaries are also available online, as well as at all good ABC stores around the country...

Ten Ways

Sarah, Joe and Grant in Singapore

Grant received a very welcome visit in his last days of teaching in Singapore from Sarah and Joe, on their way home (indirectly) from Japan. Sarah and Joe had a day to kill before flying to the Malaysian resort island of Ko Samui for a short break from Japan's snow and ice. The plot was to leave their luggage in Grant's penthouse suite at Sheraton Towers (fair dinkum: the room was so high up that guests suffered from nose-bleed) and then embark on an adventure to an island in the straits between Singapore and Malaysia. The ancient boat trip set us back $2.00 each and we spent a couple of hours on the beautiful rainforest trails that cross the national park-like terrain before attacking the best of the fresh seafood restaurants. Sarah had excellent squid and Joe ate a fish so big it will probably hold up the remake of Moby Dick. Grant ate his one millionth crab in black pepper sauce and we plundered the small island's supply of Tiger beer. Joe and Sarah seem very relaxed and content with the decision to ditch the rugby life and move on to Oxford. Joe looks like he's lost a little weight from the Japanese diet but Sarah says she actually gained weigh. Their plans seem to be to knock around the East Coast for some months visiting family and friends, although this will be interrupted for Joe by a Barbarians game in England which will give him the chance to visit Oxford and check out potential accommodation. Thinking ahead for all of us, I've advised him to consider a substantial guest room...

dress up fun!

Cal brings home the bacon

Cal played very consistent tennis at the Northwest Junior Development Series at Inverell on Sunday and won the 10 years and under title. He played 7 matches and won them all. His ambitions are to win Wimbledon and to don the date brown Jacket in Lismore.

Unimpressed

Lachlan was pretty happy with his great uncles' efforts, but this was his face upon first viewing of his grandfather trying to look like a 70's hippy...

Ashley's 50th

Hello everyone! Sorry it's taken us this long to blog about the big party on the weekend, but I've been trying to carry on the spirit of the 60's by shunning technology. And just generally being quite lazy on account of my uncontrollable marijuana habit.

Dad's 50th was a blast, and it was truly scary to see how much 60's gear people have lying around in their closets. Everyone came dressed up, and before long the dance floor was full of people who usually consider 'funkiness' to be something related to foot hygiene.



This is Rowan before the party in his new Roff shirt. He did a great job as barman for the evening, and in fact was so successful in plying people with drink that uncles Stuart and Damian had to do a bottle-o run mid-party.



This is dad (yes, in the afro. Yes, actually, it was a little traumatic) with the MC for the evening, 'Hammer'.



Tipsy McStagger and Drunken McSkunk were both present, and in their usual fine form.



Uncle Glen gave a speech to mark the occasion with a lot of help from Stuart and Damian. By the way Uncle Glen, dad says thanks, but he's just glad it wasn't a celebrity roast.

Damian summed up the general sentiment best when he said 'Ashley is like a lighthouse in a snowstorm. Brilliant but useless.' Dad responded by saying something incomprehensible and somewhat offensive about the current geopolitical climate, which really just proved Damian's point.

To sum up, everyone had a great weekend, and there will be a Texas Hold'em rematch at this year's Roff Christmas!!

Quote for the Day....

I would just like to share todays comment...

"Hey miss, how come you get to be an english teacher but you can't spell?"

-asked in all seriousness by an anonymous (and now detentioned) yr 8 student.

my secret is out.

kate

Milly Report

Just want to try out this blog theing to see if im capable. Ive been a bit slack and haven't really been reading it so i just had to speed read thelast months blogs and i have a few comments to make. First of all however, thanks to adam for signing me up. being computer elliterate and having a mean brother who wont help me sign up (not mentioning any names, harold matthew roff!) didn't really help my situation in that regard. Thank you Lizzy for my fabulous christmas present, i am yet to spend the voucher, however, as i am trying to find a good Bob Marley or Johnny Cash album.

Congratulations Kel and Jake on the fabulous Lachlan, he is extremely cute (how is he related to jake again?...) and i'm sure with his parents influence will grow up to be a strong drinker. oh, yeah, and a good person. Hey nick, I'm a uni kid now too! that mayks me wikked smaat. I'm going to be undertaking a course called "bachelor of oral hygiene", no need for the dirty comments, Adam has already been throught ALL of them. At least twice. As have dad, harry and all my friends. The most exciting news in all of this, however, and also the main reason im going to uni is because i am now eligible for centrelink, hooray fo money for nothing!

Dear Joe: about being excluded from visiting you, I will just express my feelings by telling you to look at any page in the "flipping the bird book". Also, because of your actions I am also going to make fun of any 30 year olds at my uni.

Well its way past big dogs bed time so im off, see you all next blog!

PS- you may be all well past this, but i am not as i only just read about these comments made about my most beloved family member- chloe is by far the cutest dog in the roff clan. Its why shes not smart, she doesnt need to be because shes so good looking.

-Milly

The most dangerous epidemic of them all...

GINGERVITUS!

Eric Cartman and Daniel Roff have many things in common, including obnoxiousness and self rightousness. Only recently they found one more shared trait. For a brief moment Cartman was riddled with the same terrible affliction that has overwhelmed Daniel for many years, gingervitus.

Captured in the image below is the very moment when Cartman discovered he was in fact a 'ginge'. In the beginning Cartmen struggled with his disease and was the subject of much ridicule and rejection. However he later embraced his gingervitus by leading a ginger seperatist's movement, who's aim was to eliminate discrimination by eliminating all non-gingers.

Fortunately, Cartman's gingervitus was caught in the early stages of development. He is now fully recovered and has suffered no reccurences. The same can not be said of our Daniel.

Our hearts go out to Daniel, whom we miss occassionally. We hope he finds peace, happiness and acception amongst his own kind on that far far away ireland. Good luck and best wishes for a more orange future.

Alaine.

millys famous encounter with the police!

Hello,

12.10am, Myself, Lanie, my mate Rick and my infamous cousin Milly just got pulled over by the cops! Apparently you have to display P plates! What an overrated law! Mum, Dad if you read this im not playing up! Just being misled by my evil cousins! We managed to get away with just a warning after good old Rick and Lanie displayed five P plates on the front of the car and at least two on the back! My personal theory is that the cop had a thing for Lanie, but we might leave that for another time. In an odd twist of events, Harry decided to pull up stumps early and he is sleeping as we blog, but not for long as a Stewart Roff stack on is immanent!

from Nick and Ric (the jo boys)

oh no no no-this REALLY is my first blog

Given the enormous debate generated by Stu 's ( we suspect it was him) 'first blog- all of which was warranted given his 'credibility status'- I thought I'd add a quick virginal note. I missed Ash's 5oth but would love to read a blog report on how it went as soon as participants sober up.

In keeping with the recent correspondence my favourite Ash stories revolve around his entreprenuerial softdrink exchange system, his own account of the freshmans walkabout in 1st year law studies at Sydney Uni and his significant contribution to the New Lambton 4th grade on the day of Grants earlier matrimonial effort. Glenn, Ash and I lined up to play, asked the Capt if he won the toss 'could we bat as we have a wedding to get to ' which he duly ignored and spent half an arvo in the field watching the other side get 130. We then batted . I got 11, Biggles in the same time got 110 and ASH WAS TERRIFIC GETTING 13NO.

What a force he was!!! And speaking of which, I did get down to watch their first ever game v the Brumbies on Fri night. So, they have no one to break a line, and no flair and its full of has beens and wanna be's but boy have they got support. I've flicked the Brumbies faster than you can say 'Joe who ??" and am now on the bandwagon- with a bit of start (concession for new team) I'm taking your money whenever you want!!!!

If this is signed Zac don't be fooled- its Rock.

my first blog

Marianne recently suggested that my life has 'stagnated'. Contrary to the supporting evidence, I would like to state that I am in 'transition'. And since this transitional period does not involve too much of anythying, I have time to send and receive silly emails like the following. It was sent to me by Giant football fanatic from Cork, Ireland.
for girls...

You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes, which you must have.

The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses. It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.

The shop assistant remains at the till waiting. Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma. She prepares to throw her purse to you. If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes.

At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and,*whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes. Always remembering that until the purse had *actually been thrown* it would be plain wrong to be forward of the other shopper.

Girls - you have just learned the offside rule. It's that simple.

-Alaine

Grant

We are flying out of Japan on Sunday and of all places we have a lay over in Singapore on Monday for the day. Having perused the blog recently I noticed that you too are in Singapore. Therefore we were wondering if you were free at any stage during the day as we'd love to catch up for a meal, a drink, to smoke some hashish, spit on the ground, drop cigarette butts around the city, run some H, you know, any one of all the fun things to do whilst in Singapore.

We get in at about 1am on Sunday night I think and are staying at the Furama City Centre Singapore, 60 Eu Tong Sen St,, ph +65 65315318. We are off line from tomorrow afternoon but if we don't hear from you prior we will give you a call on Monday when we get up.

Well, it's official...

I am now a useless, blundering, incompetent and unfit alcoholic. And it only took three weeks. But rather than 'do the Hollywood thing' and attend an expensive desert retreat to detox, or sit in a room full of others afflicted by an inability to walk into a pub for lunch and end up instead ordering three pints of that delicious black stuff, I am going to embrace my inadequacy and use it to my advantage. I am going to become a songwriter and live like Shane MacGowan. (For those of you unfamiliar with his work and, indeed, his lifestyle, I recommend a quick search on that wonderful new tool known as the 'internet'). Previewing it now for all you is the first piece I
have written, simply titled, 'The Rooster':

We had some chickens, no eggs would they lay
We had some chickens, no eggs would they lay
My wife said, "Honey, we're losin' money
Because our chickens, no eggs will they lay."

One day a rooster flew into the yard
And caught those chickens right off their guard.
They're laying eggs now, like they never used ta,
Ever since that rooster, flew into our yard.

We had a milkcow, no milk would she give.
We had a milkcow, no milk would she give.
My wife said, "Honey, we're losing money
Because our milkcow, no milk will she give."

Then one day that rooster crept into our yard,
And caught that milkcow right off her guard.
She's giving milk now, like she never used ta,
Ever since that rooster crept into our yard.

We had an elephant, no tusk would he grow.
We had an elephant, no tusk would he grow.
My wife said, "Honey, we're losing money
Because that elephant, no tusk would he grow."

Then one day that rooster crept into our yard,
And caught that elephant right off his guard.
He's laying ivory eggs now, like he never used ta,
Ever since that rooster crept into our yard.

We had a rooster, he was awfully gay
We had a rooster, he was funny that way
My wife said, "Honey, we're losing money
Because that rooster, was awfully gay."

Then one day a chicken crept into our yard
And caught that rooster right off his guard
He's laying chickens now, like he never used ta,
Ever since that chicken crept into our yard

Actually, I need to make a confession. I didn't write this song. Yet the fact I claimed that I did just goes to show how much excessive consumption of alcohol, combined with a lack of sleep, can ruin an already fragilemental state.

I will, though, confirm that I have spent two weeks seeing stuff, doing stuff, admiring stuff and consuming stuff. I could bore you all with details but I am a fairly firm believer in 'what happens on tour STAYS on tour'.That is, of course, unless I get drunk and then you can't shut me up.

I will say that three (clean and appropriate) highlights so far have been:

1) Being invited to join a group of musicians playing in a pub in Derry for a rendition of 'The Wild Rover' after having had a couple of pints in the infamous Bogside area. (The North of Ireland, by the way, is amazing. Irecommend it).

2) Climbing Ireland's highest mountain, Carrantuohil, in my Dunlop Volleys and a pair of jeans. It took eight hours of some of the toughest walking I've ever done, but the view was worth it. There's nothing quite like looking through a cloud of thick fog to make you appreciate the wonder ofnature.

3) Having a few pints with a few of the locals in a country pub in Anascaul, on the Dingle Peninsula, and having to separate a 78 year old farmer and a 65 year old farmer because of a feud that dates back 34 years when one lefta gate to a paddock open and three sheep managed to get out.

I'll now have to sort myself out and get a job. Which might actually be good - I need a holiday from all the holidaying. I'll keep everybody posted as regularly as I can manage (and most of you know what I'm like) and just hope everybody is staying healthy, wealthy and wise.

Daniel.

Why?

I don't know what possessed me but I signed up today for a 106 cm widescreen TV which is actually bigger than our dining table and for those of you who have visited, will know how small our house is. Stuart wanted it for the rugby and whereas he was happy to watch Joe on a 48cm screen, he knew then if he threw is shoe at the screen, he would miss. We are encouraging the kids to move out so we can fit the TV in and with them gone it will also help with the repayments. Marianne

Lesson for the cousins - You're never too young to keep up with current affairs

geisha

Sar and I had an amazing travel experience a few days ago, particularly relevant for those that have seen memoirs of a geisha. As way of background we were hoping to get down to Kyoto and hook up with Cairo and see the area, but our neighbours, upon hearing we wanted to see it, decided to be our tour guide and so booked the family onto a flight to go down and meet us there for the evening (incredible in itself). As they were showing us around Gion, a geisha and her mama san pulled up to what was obvioulsy their house. Our neighbour asked if I could have a photo with her and she looked straight to her mama-san for the yay or nay. She nodded and went inside and this shot was the result. Flawless and incredibly graceful, it was one of my best travel moments so I just wanted to share it.

Cheers
Joe

Post script: She hit me up for a drink afterwards but I told her to piss off, I was married. The hussy.

Quick film review

Saw Woody Allen's new movie, "Matchpoint", last night. It's a story about an ex-professional tennis player who marries the daughter of a rich, English family but falls for his brother-in-law's fiance (who hasn't THAT happened to...). First thing you should note is how bad the lead bloke is at tennis. Apparently he took it up to Aggasi but he'd be about sixth seed at the Christmas Woodlawn tournament. Techincal issues aside, it's an entertaining film. I usually can't watch relationship dramas without cringing and it took considerable willpower not to walk out half way through it. With Woody, I was expecting twists but everything that looks like it will happen does, until the last 20 minutes or so. It reminds me a bit of the Notting Hill/Love Actually style of movie mostly because it's set in the same surroundings but also because the acting, apart from the leads, is as good as you'll ever see. Not sure about the lead male but Scarlet What's-her-name (with the big lips) is very convincing. Woody isn't in it (writes and directs) and it's not a comedy (although it's very funny in parts). It will give Roff couples MUCH to discuss on the way home in the car. I suspect the girls will be disturbed by the relatively sympathetic treatment the tennis player gets given his behaviour but the boys mightn't entirely share that view. Here's a tip: hide your husband's shotgun before you go out...

Ash's 50th

Hi all, I have a few minutes while dinner cooks and Stuart and Alaine have gone off to rescue Millie who has run out of petrol. She hasn't actually hit the Uni stage yet but I can assure all she has been practicing for years. I don't know haw anyone who has worked for the last 5 years can have saved enough to buy - well nothing for her upcoming uni year. It would seem good old Mum and Dad will have to pay the general service charge, buy the books, pay for the train ticket to Central Coast etc, etc. At least though she has a multitude of outfits from the local op shops that will see her thorugh to the end of March and then a new dilemna will start. Hopefully her extra curricular activities will be severely curtailed and she may be encouraged to do some uni work.

Any chance Annika could have a serious talk to her? We have not heard from Daniel for the past week so we are hoping he is enjoying his tour of Ireland, though I do fear for the sanity of the others on the tour. After 3 days of travel he was over them and was fed up with having to do "ocker talk". Alaine's plans seem to have stagnated as acommodation in Sydney is not as clean, roomy and free as home.

Stuart seems to have a new lease on life and after getting over the computers all crashing and losing the time table on day one and then being told of a very excited naked man on the school basketball court at 8.00am on day 2, his new principal cannot see what all the fuss is about. He does seem to be much happier and far less stressed and I am hoping it will continue. Harry is off at work now and will be working 2.30pm till 11.00pm for the next month. One of the F-18s has been given priority to be whatever and he has elected to work this shift. We head of to Ash and Cathie's on Saturday and are really looking forward to celebrating the birthday in style and having a break away from Newcastle. Will fill you in on our return.

-Marianne

Hanging around in Singapore

For some reason my University likes me best when I'm not teaching in Australia. I arrived in Singapore (again) on January 31 and will be here until February 14 teaching a course on strategic planning in communications at the Singapore Institute of Management. As is always the case when I teach something I know nothing about, I'm learning heaps myself. Becasue of Chinese New Year, I lost a couple of days last week which resulted in me having to teach 15 hours in four days. Julia laughs at this as, apparently, TAFE teachers do more than this on a weekly basis. I guess there won't be much sympathy from the high school teachers among you, either. It would probably seem less onerous if I knew something about the subject.
I'm staying in the last room down the corridor on the top floor of the Sheraton Towers hotel. I hope there isn't a fire. The hotel management left a giant chocolate cake in my room on my birthday which I'm still trying to finish five days later. Where are Damian's kids when you really need them? I've been too busy to do much sight-seeing but things are a bit quieter this week and the plan is to see Woody Allen's new film (Matchpoint I think it's called) and go walking on this little island named "Pilau Ubin" in the straits between Malaysia and Singapore. It's a forgotten part of Singapore and a national park by default so it's nice and peaceful. There's a tiny village on the island with four food outlets all serving fresh seafood in filthy dishes so that's something to look forward to. Unlike last time I was here, there appear to be no plans to hang any Australian citizens and I'll do my best to stay out of trouble. A full report on Ash's birthday would be nice for those of us (Joe, Sarah, Daniel and maybe some of the John Roffs) denied access through the tyrany of distance.

Happy Birthday Mum!

I went up to Newcastle yesterday for Mum's birthday. The photo is of Mum and her Vietnamese Australian mate Cong who lives around the Corner. He's just enrolled at Stuart's School and so far, is loving it. Happy birthday Mum!

We dropped off at the Stuart Roff's yesterday to and caught up on the gossip. I even remembered to bring Stuart's jacket! It has this crazy body armour in it that makes Stuart look like Hercules. Maryanne said, "You've finally got the shoulders I've always wanted!"

Turning Thai....

Heya!
so i don't have any baby photos for you but this is mum and Liz learning to make "SomTam" - an awesome thai salad, while we were in Bangkok. The instructor is my host sister, Pei Neun, and it worked out great :)

post season

Finally played to form last weekend and were bundled out of the competition by Eddie Jones' Japanese team. As a matter of face for the company rugby team, our complete Japanese coaching staff resigned as a result of the poor results this year, and so there were many farewells, many tears, many hugs, many speeches. Post season beer party pictured here with Mogeru, Takaiya, Katsuki, Shibahara and Hiroake. A good group of guys. Cairo also came out to watch the game with some friends, was great to catch up with him, he was coming off a night on the karaoke so was a bit scratchy at the time, very good stuff.
Sar and I are now in the process of all the admin of packing up which is why I am not in the spare room sorting out the bags and boxes but am instead blogging. Very shortly Sar will realise that I have stopped helping her, so if this blog comes to an abrupt end you will know why. I remember now why I was always on tour when we have been packing up in the past.
We will be getting back in to Australia later this month and we are looking forward to both getting back and catching up with everyone again. We will be starti...

Happy Birthday Dad!