I Hate Daniel

I've just gotten back from a party thrown by Daniel and his flatmates at their new pad in Glebe. I was sure something blogable had happened but my memory is a little vague. I recall trying to unlock my bike out the front of the house at three in the morning, unsuccessfully by the way, while Alaine bluffed the cops who were trying to make everybody in the backyard shut-up. Her charming and cooperative manner was somewhat diminished by the fact that she was drinking straight out of a Champagne bottle. I was studiously trying to avoid drawing attention to myself but I kept stumbling onto my bike and I had put my helmet on backwards. The cops seemed to be avoiding eye contact with me until my obligatory "traveller" decided to fall over in my front basked and drain frothy beer onto the sidewalk at their feet. They finally looked up so I pretended to know how to unlock my bike for a few seconds until Daniel rescued me. He came out to tell them that everyone was inside, which was patently bullshit, but he has that lawyer vibe so they backed down.

The other things I remember hearing are that a girl had tried to pash Daniel, Alaines laptop needs a new monitor, and that Amber was texting every few minutes saying how excited she was about coming to the party. Up to the point where she stopped. At which point Jeremy texted saying that Amber needed a little lie down and wouldn't be able to make it. Sounds like she meant well but may have peaked a little early.

That's right, I remember what this post was supposed to be about. I got talking with John, otherwise know as J.D. or "Booge" or "Boozle" or something, an old friend of Daniel's and the Stuart Roff's, and he is an avid reader of the Roff Report! So the word is out! I imagine him and Morley as the old guys in the Muppets watching from the box seats and ripping the s@#t out of everyone.

Then I talked to another old mate of Daniel's, Pat, and he too reads the blog. Pat has this great job where he gets to run in with the cops during drug busts and film celebrity's caught naked, in the act and intoxicated. Then he sells the tapes to the news media on the black market. It's just like a celebrity version of Cops... maybe a bit like L.A. Confidential? Apparently they work their way up the chain from young 'Home and Away' stars up to sporting personalities, film stars and the to film stars that used to be young 'Home and Away' stars. I think that's what he said... I had been drinking.

Anyway, so he tells me this story about seeing Brendon at an RSL or something and he went up to him and accused him of stuffing a sock down his speedos in the Manly swim race... Ill accustomed to being recognised by the papparazzi Brendon assumed that he had attracted some kind of stalker, but then Pat revealed that he had seen his speedos featured in 'The Roff Report'. How cool is that? Anyway, I've threatened to give them all Roff Report logins to keep us honest and contributing more regularly.

I had an awesome time at the party, and the walk home to Bondi went relatively smoothly, but I do have a bone to pick with Daniel. When I moved to Sydney in my first year of Uni I was sharing a two bedroom flat with three people, all of our furniture was made out of milk crates, I couldn't afford public transport and I there were times when I just had rice and oats to eat for days at a time. Seriously. Daniel waltzes into Sydney, moves into a mansion, earns a fortune being a Judge or something, and throws great parties full of gorgeous women. I hate you Daniel.