Bad News Melbournites

Just warning everyone that lives south of the border that I received news on Friday informing me I will now be employed in Melbourne- woot! My job sounds fabby, its in two surgeries, one in Collins st (near the gucci and chanel shops- ouch) and one in Toorak St, South Yarra. I have been assured that I will never have to treat another old person or child again- Bonza. For those who are unaware of my chosen career path, I just completed my degree in oral hygiene (pending results). This means that I have spent 3 years at uni learning how to scrape crudd off peoples teeth- very glamorous work. I have requested my business cards to include the title "glorified scrubber".
In other news, I leave the country on the 30th of December for the best holiday ever planned. My itinary is as follows:
30th Dec: leave Sydey airport, arrive Bangkok airport. Crudd.
14th Dec: Leave bangkok airport to fly to Mumbai international airport. Double Crudd.
If anyone else is in the market for a dream holiday, I will quite happily extend my services as world's worst travel agent at Lismore (I hear Afghanistan and Congo are great this time of year!)
And last but not least a summer warning- check your food before eating it in hotter weather, I accidently ate a Christmas beetle the other day- gross. An i'm not joking. It had leapt into a bowl of spaghetti bolognaise that was in the fridge (admittedly it wasn't suppose to be eaten until dinner time). For the first ten crunches I was trying to figure out wether the strange crunch was a bay leaf or some other strange herb that mum had added. eeeeeeeew.
bai for now, Milky Roff

Coming Down

Well, the tour is over and I have to say a huge thank you to all the Roffs, Seiges, Forrests, Murrays and assorted ring-ins that attended. I had the most wonderful time, and it was so great to catch up with you all, and so gracious of Dan to fly me around the country to get drunk with my family. Especially considering he had to endure the same comments from my family at every single show- "you were ok but we want more Ukeladies!". Every single show.
Annika was the winner, with a total of three shows under her belt, and she looked totally hot at every one of them. The Sydney Basement show had the most luxurious turnout- thanks Lainey, Daniel, Brendan and Kimmi, Shauna and all the Sydney Seige crew for coming along.
The Perth show was pretty special- a long overdue chat with Zac, and our own private and deserted bar to bond in! Lovely that Zac and Liz could meet and chat with my other cousins, Benedict and Janelle.
The highlight of the Adelaide show was meeting Andrew's new lady friend, who was (incredibly) UNAWARE that she was dating His Excellency, The Youth Governor Of South Australia!!! It was a delicious experience to "out" him. Andrew, I do hope you are doing something constructive about the flamingo cruelty crime wave that has gripped the youth of your state.
Dad, Julia and Dom were a very supportive Melbourne contingent, and Dad earned alot of cool points being spotted in the crowd by many of his students, who were so impressed that he was compelled to pose for photos with them, and pretended convincingly that he had heard of Augie March.
The Brisbane show was a corker, marred only by Harry and Jake continuously falling backwards out of the emergency fire exit to the great annoyance of the security staff.
The less I say about Adam's "performance" at the Metro show in Sydney the better, but the hospitality shown to the band by Adam and Monica was exceptional, and greatly appreciated.
On behalf of Dan, Stevie, May and myself, thanks so much everybody! Most supportive family ever!!

The bohemian underbelly don't really like drunken fruitless banter (Brisbane Ukes gig report)

Brisbane gig was fantastic. As with every other report, we found Amanda beautiful and beguiling on stage. I also found Dan beautiful and beguiling, and I think I told him as much at least two or three times. We were all excited about Amanda, catching up with each other, and freedom, so it's pretty safe to say that we all went a little over the top, and simple sentences were becoming harder and harder to complete.
Great set - At one stage Amanda told Dan (after a two minute introduction) to "get on with the song!" I was a bit miffed at her for that!

A bemused Amanda graciously listening to dribble.

Kelly took this one

Vicky was great fun. She is going to be good value at Christmas.

Kissing cousins. Movember is nearly over. Thanks for the donations Ad, Grant, Glenn & Sue

The troop. Thanks Amanda for the tickets and such a great night. (That's Stu (my best man) on the right)

Aussies have vegemite, Kiwis have MoMite

Who ever has Jake in the Christmas draw can thank me later.

kate

Kate who?

So I figured it was about time I blogged, just in case I rock up at the Roff Christmas and nobody knows who I am…or worse, confuses me with Lizzy…

Joe and I (yep, you read it here first) have moved to NZ where we have been setting up a lovely house in a dodgy neighbourhood. Don’t worry Grant, it’s a two bedroom house.
I had a really tough time getting used to the cold in a shocking winter, but spring is here so all is well. I've never seen a season like this before, what with it being hot or friggin’ hot back in Western Australia so I am pretty damn impressed with this spring business. Whole trees just bust out with flowers, streets full of them - daffodils and tulips everywhere, sounds corny but it's amazing to see.
For example:




I'm working as a sub-editor for a really small town's newspaper. “Sub-editor” sounds glamorous but it's not really - i sit in front of a computer making up headlines into which i try and slip in-jokes and musical references....
The town in so small that we have exciting stories like "Man grows potatoes in September" (rebellious because traditionally they are grown in October) and "Council to fix re-occuring pot-holes" (complete with a photo spread of before and after photos).....like I said, exciting times.
So far, in my supreme ditsiness, I have managed to print a photo with the wrong name (nice big head shot too), and spell a headline incorrectly - boss nearly had a heart attack. brilliant to know i can still cause panic where ever i go....

Joe is working as an environmental engineer and thinks his title is cooler than mine. His job is amazing (apparently) and he is loving it.

New Zealanders are an odd bunch. I'm sorry, I gave them a few months to warm up to but they're pretty strange. I always thought they would be like Australian's (with a stronger affiliation with sheep) but they're quite different. I foolishly thought I might prove the cousins who had gone before me wrong. Daniel, Joe, Harry….I promise to always listen to you from here on in.
Here’s and example: Kiwi’s have only just figured out you can do tax returns. I kid you not, headlines have read "Thousands of dollars up for grabs from tax man" ‘cause no one has ever bothered trying it before.
I know what you're thinking "But I've met cool Kiwi's before..." - it's true, so have I, but as Joe ominously murmered "Those are the one's that got out...."
To be fair, they are streaks ahead of Australia in terms of farming irrigation and recycling. But since I am not a farm or a recycling plant that doesn’t really help much.

We've done a bit of exploring around New Zealand, which as far as scenery goes is just plain amazing, I keep getting the Lord of the Rings theme song stuck in my head. Here’s some pics...

Flight around Mt Cook:


Best seats in the house at the Super 14 final:


Street festival:


Strange people you meet in NZ:


Bay's around Christchurch:


On another, and completely different, note I went to South Africa earlier this year as a Rotary ambassador and meant to blog about it at some stage so here’s a summary:

Things I learned in South Africa
- Crime won't kill you: the drivers will
- 50% the country has aids, 20% of teachers have aids
- The maid makes $16 A DAY
- Personality. Everyone has one. Your waiter will have more spark and charisma than in their little finger than your average Australian.
-Christian is a religion (they will look at you strangely if you ask what denomination of Christian)
-Not everything is black and white - SA classify themselves as White (Caucasian, obviously), Coloured (mixed) and Black - none of which are deemed racist terms.
-Don't trust the maps given on national park hikes.
-Bathing in river water from a dairy farm is in fact NOT a good idea, regardless of what the farmers say about it.
- South Africa has cheerleaders at Rugby games that take it one step further by striping.
- The South African minister for health (now thankfully the former minister) refused to acknowledge that HIV is linked to AIDS and recommended people eat beetroot to solve the problem.
- The only place that doesn’t have it’s power cut off for a regulated 2 hours a day in part of a load shedding scheme is the construction site for the next Soccer World Cup stadium.

Can’t wait for the Roff Chrissie, and while Grant is looking forward to some interrogation Mr No Hands will in fact be Mr No Show this Christmas as, like Zac, he has some other family on the other side of the world who, deep down, you know he loves more….

see you all soon,
Kate

P-berg

We are staying in a pretty cool district in Berlin, just on the eastern side of the wall. There is a length of the Berlin wall and some flack towers just up the road where I've been jogging. There are even some bullet hole on some of the buildings in our street. You can just imagine sneaking through a tunnel into the east and racing around in a Lada being chased by the Stasi. The only hills around here are from massive bomb craters they have built over.

This is our street and it is starting to get cold here. It's just started snowing and there was a huge snowstorm in the middle of the night. I was the only person on the street and it was sureal because the snow dampens all sound like sound proofing, so it was eerily quiet and still. There are kids throwing snowballs at each other everywhere today.
Luckily there is lots of hearty German food to cook. We had roast potatoes and bread and swine flisch last night, which hit the spot. The nightlife has been rocking too. We went to see a Japanese funk band that played Isaac Hayes and James Brown covers. They all wore suits and were tight as. One more week in Berlin and then we are thinking of hiring a car to get to Paris. I want to listen to Autobahn by Kraftwek while on the Autobahn.

Luke's Party

This is the gallery of rogues that attended Luke's 7th birthday Party. Note Jenny's excellent monster cake. The Party consisted of indoor soccer, red rover, dodgeball and boof hockey.

Turtle diving, time taking sport to watch, its as if they are afraid of heights- or the water!

On other news, i have 10 days left before my retirement- its been a long time coming and i think i deserve it. This is basically a quick message for any Melbourne Roff's and Forrest's, we will be arriving on the 8th Dec........ we will see you then.

FORGOTTEN BIRTHDAYS!

Sorry people, but some important birthdays have slipped by!

Luke Roff (8yh Nov) Happy belated birthday Luke - now SEVEN!
Cathie Roff on the 15th - Marianne was fortunate enough to be in Adelaide at the time to help celebrate.
Damian! (19th) Sorry Damio - I remembered before the event but got sick (flu) on the day and then totally let it slip. 45!!! I will make it up to you by visiting next weekend!
Adam Seage (21st Nov) - Adam turned 17 yesterday. Yes, Adam turned 17!!
Lady Betty Forrest has her ? birthday TOMORROW (Sunday 23rd!)

and coming soon....LACHIE on the 28th (3) AND... AMY on the 30th. Amy will be ELEVEN!


Tood

Ich bin ein Berliner

Monica and I officially arrived in Berln yesterday. I think if we were doing it on our own it might have taken a few weeks to settle in but we've been welcomed by the Aussie diaspora. Enclaves rock. We have etched out a little community in Schönhauser Allee‎ which is right in the heart of the city. We are all drinking cheap bier and comparing notes on music venues and where to get "BIO' food, which is organic. It's everywere.

Berliner Pilsner is probably the best bier I have ever tasted. Subject to ancient bier purity laws it is made of just 3 ingredients, and they are all made of bier. You can buy a case of 20 longnecks for AU$20. I won't harp on about the bier anymore but seriously... a red note.

The photo is outside The DOM, named after my little brother. In Australia there would be one of these amazing building with a whole town built around it. In Germany there are whole suburbs made out of shit like this. Heaps of culture mate. If you ride a bicycle everywhere, have green power, recycle, take a cotton bag to the shops and eat organic food in Australia you are an activist. EVERYONE lives like that in Berlin.

It's a good reminder to all Roffs et al to make sure you have green power at least. Just ring your provider and ask or go to http://www.greenpower.gov.au/home.aspx for info. It's only 10 bucks a bill and you can go carbon neutral.

Ukes slay Melbourne

Julia, Dom, Annika and my good self went to see the big gig in Melbourne last Sunday night. The support act (Dan and the Ukes) only get about 35 minutes so, if you're going, don't be late. The brief set was very well received although I think Dan could do a bit better with his song selection. If you're going to a gig, loudly request the "Catholic Leader", my favourite in his current repetoir. We paid for two tickets and were "on the door" for the other two - thanks Ukes. Amanda took me backstage in the break and introduced me to the Augie March band members. WARNING: the boss guitarist and singer, Glen, has a VERY WEAK handshake. As you can see from the puffed-up right hand in the picture above, I may have overdone it. If you meet him, Joe, it might be better if you hug him. Augie March is a world-class band but the Melbourne venue acoustics weren't perfect - hope it's better in Brisbane. It was a great night, though, and Amanda, the Ukes and Dan have clearly benefitted from a month on the road. It's all very tight and a pleasure both to watch and listen to. Any reports from the Sydney gig?

Joe and Sar update

1. Selling at Straddie, have been getting it ready and it lists next week.
2. Yes I am a fan of the counter cycle method of investment - buy at the top and sell at the bottom
3. Moving to Canberra for a new job
4. No I do not know what management consultants do (ask Ash)
5. Going to the Ukeladies in Brisbane (if I can get a ticket), and can't wait
6. Xav is looking forward to his first Roff Christmas

Before job.....


After Xav realised he could (occassionally) have money for the tuckshop because dad has a job....

See you all in a couple of weeks.

Movember

Yes, it's that time again.

Here's a quick tip though - Don't make a deal with your home group in which they design your mo' if they can raise $50.

My aim is to raise $100 each year. If anyone is keen to donate to prostate cancer research and other male health issues, I would certainly appreciate it. (tax deductible)

Click this link https://www.movember.com/au/donate/donate-details.php?action=sponsorlink&rego=1937846&country=au and donate online using your credit card or PayPal account

OR, leave an IOU in the comments section, and I'll collect at christmas- and Daniel, the rules about drunk blogging apply to drunk charitable donations - don't do it unless you remember what you've done the next day.

Potsdam Uber Alles

Guten Tag. Still loving Germany. It's 'eine bier bitte' if anyone was curous. I'm still working at the hotel but Moni has been exploring. She rode a hotel bicycle over to Cecilienhof today for a visit and a bagel.

Cecilienhof was the location of the Potsdam Conference in 1945. Winston Churchill, Joseph Stalin and Harry S. Truman met at the round table in the great hall and issued the Potsdam Declaration defining the terms for Japanese surrender. Truman had already given order to prepare the atomic bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Stinking war criminals, all of them. Anyway, they sell an awesome snow globe of the dudes. That's Amanda's chrissy present done.

We ate tonight at a French restuarant in the Dutch Quarter of a German town. Pop. We shared breakfast this morning with a Swiss Army Major. He is observing some war games in Goebbel's old hunting reserve. He assures me that the Swiss Army do have knives, but that they are only good for stabbing people and are near useless for opening wine. I have to pull an all nighter to finish a chapter or I am toast, but tomorrow we go to Berlin. Ich bin ein Berliner.

Beer is AU$1 for a long neck. And it is all imported european beer. Well, not imported, you know what I mean. Did I mention this already? They sell long necks in cafes and post offices and newsagents. I'm starting to wish they had won the war. Is that bad?

The conference went well. I butchered my talk because I hadn't slept in 6 days but made some good contacts at NASA. For realz. Our bags turned up in Bangladesh under the name WOFF. I am making the insurance pay for all my beer as compensation. Next stop East Germany. I can't wait to snuggle under the Iron Curtain. The wind comes straight from Siberia and it's freezing.

BAND HERO NIGHT

guitar hero took on a whole new meaning of lame last night. our only saving grace was that i didn't sing, how ever i do strongly recommend a few beers and a lot of south park quotes on hand. it was a good night

The Ukeladies buzz

I had no idea about the impact on the Oz music scene of the Ukes until I ran into Mick in the gym. Mick is the fitness trainer for the Melbourne storm. We have had previous conversations about the state of the 'scene' as we call it, and I feel he is on the same page as me in terms of taste (we haven't had a Neil Diamond convo yet though).

Jake; "What are you listening to Mick?"
Mick; "...various JJJ bands that Jake has never heard of because Lacho likes Bob the Builder better that Jay and the Doctor .... and Augie March"
Jake; "Oh yeah mate, (..very pleased with my rising cred..) I'm seeing them in Brissy.
Mick; "Really? The gig on the 28th with Dan Kelly and the Ukeladies in support?"
Jake; "I know of the Ukes - How do you?"
Mick; " They've done various projects with Dan and Paul Kelly over the last couple of years"

Anyway, you can imagine what happened after that - I spewed on more about my relationship with Amanda than Lizzy did about Joe at the '95 World Cup!!

Can't wait for the Ukes... and Dan.... and Augie.

Bizarro World

I'm super excited about Europe so apologies if I blog too much. We flew in via KL and Amsterdam, a trip that took us over Alice Springs, Indonesia, India, Iran and central Europe. That means we flew over what at least 2 billion people. Mind blowing.

The plane was fun but I found the stewards get a little shirty if you just keep ordering gin and tonic over and over all through the night. We had some Laksa at the airport in Malaysia which was second to none. Amsterdam airport has a casino and a museum but no 'special' cafes, which is probably just as well.

Flying into Berlin was my favourite part. There are windfarms EVERYWHERE, lots of cooling towers for nuclear power plants and market gardens all through the outskirts of the city. It looks like the future.

Unfortunately our baggage didn't enjoy the same experience and is missing in action. There is in fact, no record of our baggage at all, which is a little perplexing. Monica is disappointed because all her best dresses are in there but I am stoked because it adds to the adventure, and they gave me a free toilet bag with a cotton shirt in it. I am easily pleased. We are insured to the hilt and KLM airlines is likely to fork out some cash for new stuff so no dramas.

Potsdam is pretty cute. It is like the old section of The Rocks, or Fremantle, but a whole city. There are pretty girls riding on bike paths that go everywhere and you can easily take your bike on a train. I thought Sydney was based on a European design but they should have thought more of Germany and less of London. We should hang the RTA and the NSW planning bodies. Beer costs less than milk too. Ouch. We went for a walk through the woods and it is like the prettiest parts of Emerald but seems to go on forever.

Anyway, Monica thinks I am working so I better do something. Conference starts tomorrow.

It's still all happening

Adam rang today from the departure lounge of Sydney airport where he and Monica were waiting to fly to Berlin via KL and Amsterdam. He is delivering a paper in Potsdam and, afterwards, they'll be staying in Berlin with members of the "Skipping Girls", a performance art group that Monica was involved in a few years back. Potsdam is where Count Zeppelin invented the airship in 1910.





Then it's on to Paris for a couple of weeks. Adam reckons he'll be working on his thesis but I fear there may be distractions. The pics above show the interior of the Paris flat and where they've been living in Sydney so that they could save money for the trip. Adam's uni is, at least, paying his airfares. He's promised to blog regularly.
Annika dropped in tonight (Sunday) and only has a take-home exam and a proper exam to go to finish her undergraduate degree. She has applied to do Honours next year in politics and looks like being accepted. We have two tickets to the Augie March/Ukuladies gig in Melbourne next weekend and she and Julia will be going. Not much news from Amanda but it's mid-tour and she's probably resting up for four nights in a row.
Nick is having his 21st in Newcastle on December 21. You'll all be invited but we understand you can't all come. You'll have a chance to pat him on the back up in Lismore. Dom is going for his L plate test tomorrow which adds a new dimention to the expression "road safety".
I've been invited to the presentation of the NZ motorcycle awards this year at the end of November and Jules and I will get three days there. Apparently there's a coast-to-coast walk across the Auckland Isthmus (16 kilometres) which is on the agenda along with a ferry trip to an island with a vineyard on it owned by relatives of friends here in Melbourne. Should be a nice break. In the meantime, lots of marking and a stress-inducing conference where I have to talk about my own thesis. Hmm.. maybe I should get back to work on that.

Black or White or Tan

Daniel Stuart Roff is on a mission to improve indigenous relations across Australia. At the Glengarry pub in Redfern on Friday night, our group was joined by Norm, Sam and Rictchie. Sam and Norm are cousins from "the bush" and they now reside in "the block". Ritchie is Sam's boyfirend.

At one point Norm expressed his concern that we were too white. Finger pointed sharply into Norm's chest, Daniel accused Norm, and all aborigines, of stealing the tan from the white man. Awkward.

Despite having lost his tan to the black man and despite having red hair, Daniel still managed to catch the eye of Sam and Ritchie. Ritchie confided that he would be happy to cook and clean for Daniel for the rest of his life. Sam loves red heads because they didn't exist where he grew up.

As far as I know, Daniel made it home in one piece.

Woot