Big Brother

I've been working with Prof. Richard Kingsford on using satellite imagery to detect illegal dams in the Murray Darling Basin and we broke a big story today. Look out for it on ABC News on TV tonight.

The Queensland Government said we got it wrong.

Premier Rann from S.A. said illegal dams are an act of terror!

Prime Minister Rudd said "I'll look forward to a factual report on this. I haven't received one yet, and once we've received that report, we'll take the necessary action."

It's pretty scarey to see it go down in public like this. The QLD Premier said we made an honest mistake. It's going to end up in a cage match with State leaders at this rate. I'm a bit worried the report will get picked to pieces in Canberra and I will end up looking like a Nuff Nuff.

Uke's nuke Manchester Lane

The Uleladies shone in last night's show at the prestegious Manchester Lane bar. They opened for one of their friends, Lillith Lane, whose band includes two members of Paul Kelly's standing band. The Ukes than added backing vocals for Lillith during her show and finished the evening with a knockout rendition of "Perhaps".

Among the celebrity guests at the gig were Annika and her mate, Meg. Annika is showing off her new glasses. She underwent an eye test a few weeks ago and the optometrist couldn't believe she got her driver's licence. Annika can't believe the improvement, either. She used to go to sleep while she was reading which, she thought, happened because reading is relaxing. Turns out she was going to sleep because reading was such an effort. Movies make a lot more sense now as well. The previous reading difficulty may also account for her poor academic results. We're expecting better now...
In other news, I had a week in bed recently with food poisoning. I had to go to a gastroenterologist and he's booked me in for the autopsy or whatever it's called for bowel cancer. I know the Forrest side of the family hasn't fared too well, but is there actually any evidence of it in the Roff side? We're enjoying the olympics - particularly the women's 200m relay win. How come Tom isn't representing us in judo? He was leading the Australian rankings in his weight last time I checked. Dom has two games left in the soccor season and it's still technically possible for his team to snare the premiership. It's a tough competition, though. Nick might make it into his rugby finals as well, which might prompt a lighting raid on Newcastle on frequent-flyer points.

Groff Community College

I was watching a show called "American Dad!" last night and noticed that the school attended by one of the characters is called Groff Community College. No doubt a fine institution.

Yeah, but can the Chinese gymnasts do this?

We have started Maisie young. The Chinese girls look like they may be pre-pubescent. We've decided to start training in the pre-toddler stage. It's looking good for London 2012!

It seems as though Amanda is getting alot of thanks in the Roff Report these days, but to add to that... Thanks Amanda for the tickets to 'Splendour In The Grass'. I took Uncle Mick (Sue's sister Helen's muso (well... drummer) husband, and although it was the end of the weekend and there was some sloppy behaviour being exhibited from the "two days of partying" crowd, we saw some good shows and are very appreciative of your thoughtfulness.

Otherwise, we are riding out the bugs that Lachie keeps bringing home from child care, and I am eagerly awaiting (as is the whole student and staff body of Woodlawn) the slide show of Glenns' holy land visit which he is showing at the next school assembly.

WHAT ACCIDENT?

Come clean, Damio!!!!! What has happened to the Falcon? Was anyone hurt? Was the CIA involved?

THE AUGUST PARTY

Happy birthday on the 9th, John, "the Rock": it's time for the August Party once again!

Thanks Amanda

Amanda gave me a cookbook in 1995 for Christmas; What's for Dinner Dad? by Damian Lovelock.
Tonight I cooked North Carolina BBQ chicken and it was unreal. Everyone liked it. As a cookbook I am rating it just below the Womens Weekly recipe book. I just wanted this chance to thank Amanda for that great present in 95.

CHRISTMAS LIST

Sorry folks; the list below did not come out the way I typed it! However, it can still be read. The first name BUYS FOR the second name. Hope it is not too confusing. If it is, let me know via the Roff Report but given how long it took me to type the original list I AM NOT GOING TO RE-TYPE IT!!

Happy Birthday, Dom! Will you still give your Auntie Marianne a big hug now that you are 16? She will be devastated if you don't!

Stuart

CHRISTMAS LIST 2008

Here is the list drawn out by Sue and Marianne,
(so NO ARGUMENTS!!)

Children $5 - $10
Grown-ups $20 - $30

Glenn buys for Callan
Sue buys for Daniel
Jake " " Jenny (No masks, Jake)
Kelly Julia
Naomi Harry
Tom John
Patrick Kate
Chloe Damian
Joe Annika
Sarah Nick
Grant buys for Chloe
Julia Jake
Adam Alaine
Monica Liz
Amanda Glenn
Annika Amy
Nick Zac
Dom Joe (no hands Joe)
Stuart buys for Joe Roff
Marianne Sue
Daniel Naomi
Alaine Grant
Harry Jan
Milly Rowan
John buys for Adam
Jan Sarah
Kate Andrew
Joe (K8's Joe) Monica
Zac Cathie
Liz Ash
Ash buys for Kelly
Cathie Patrick
Andrew Milly
Rowan Amanda
Damian buys for Marianne
Jenny Tom
Callan Dom
Amy Stuart


Kids Draw

Lachlan buys for Luke
Masie Hannah
Sally Xavier
Hannah Lachlan
Xavier Lilly
Luke Maisie
Lilly Sally

Hope this is right! Merry Christmas!

Stuart

Sweet sixteen

Dom turns 16 today and can now get his learner's permit - beware if you're on the road. He got a pair of Volleys, a new bike helmet and an exercise machine. We're having dinner in the city tonight with Amanda and Annika to celebrate.

Lizzy and Xavier visit pictorial

Lismore has had the pleasure of visits from Lizzy and Joe, Sarah, Xavier recently. We took the kids (Lachlan, Maisie, X-man and Lizzy(!)) to see the chooks and the Llamas (A year 10 project which will hopefully still be running at Roff Christmas), played with blocks, and went to the park.

Great time had by all.

Culture vulture

If you buy the weekend edition of the Australian newspaper this weekend you get a free CD of the Whitlams playing with the Sydney Symphony Orchestra. I'm listening to it at the moment and it's pretty good. To complete my Saturday of high culture, I've just been to a doco being shown at the Melbourne Film Festival on Pete Seger. Everyone in the audience was in their 50s or 60s and we all cried all the way through it. I'm sure it will turn up on SBS one day but it's a good big-screen adventure. The little pic below is old Pete playing with Arlo Guthrie.


In other news, Annika's bike got stolen and I'm in the process of creating a new one from a wreck retrieved from a recent hard rubbish collection. The secret in the inner city to keeping your bike seems to be to have something that works but doesn't look too flash. Dom played his first soccer game last weekend after a two-week suspension for wrestling. We're going out for a Vietnamese feed tonight with the family of one of his team-mates who are just back from a holiday in Vietnam based on our adventures last year. Their son got red-carded last week so we'll have plenty to talk about. Dom's 16th birthday is on Monday. Nick, Annika and Amanda are all back at uni this week, as am I. It's cold here but the days are finally starting to get longer. Courtesy of the pope's visit, I've been to confession. The transcript is on the back page of the current issue of TwoWheels for your reading pleasure next time you visit a newsagency.

Sydney News

Lizzie dropped in last week, which warranted a bit of Thai with the Sydney contingent. Sounds like she has been to every major capital on a Roff pilgrimage. Daniel, Milly, Alaine, and some Forrest cousins (including Cairo and Victoria who are recently back from Japan and living in Tempe) made it out for a pile of beers. Jesse is headed off on a trip around the world pretty soon, which sounds pretty exciting. Amber has the difficult task of relaunching the Coogee Bay Hotel. I suggested burning it down and turning it into parkland but apparently that's not what the investors had in mind.

Daniel is menacing magistrates around Sydney. He uses the phrase "Surely your honour has the good sense to see that my client is a saint" ALOT. It’s a loaded question because they either agree with Daniel or get called a dummy. It sounds like its working, but I'm convinced he should be held in contempt of court, for his moustache alone if necessary. Lainey is living in Sydney with absolutely no money, a joy I know well, but is otherwise good. Milly told a story about sitting in on one of Stuart’s classes with a couple of her friends. She didn’t know most of the students in the class and was introduced by Mr. Roff... as a mentally handicapped guest who should be treated kindly. Stu dead panned it for the whole class apparently, and classmates came and tentatively introduced themselves to the visitor.

Nick came and stayed for a night last week. Uni starts for him in Newy next week. We spent the time planning what to do with this week’s $50mil lotto draw, but managed to fit in an icy winter swim at Tamarama and Batman: Dark Knight. Go and see it but it is not for the squeamish. Heath Ledger is incendiary and reminds me of a young Marlon Brando. That good.

Nick reminded me that Damien and maybe Amy (?) were in town for World Youth Day to catch site of the pontiff. Damien should give a full update because it looked like a pretty amazing experience. Sydney trembled at the knees (our much maligned public transport in particular) as 400, 000 pilgrims in matching orange backpacks gallivanted around the city, spontaneously breaking into rapture. I had a quick chat to him at the vigil, sorry I couldn’t hear you that well Damo, I hope you enjoyed it.

Happy birthday Lizzie

I know that, broadly speaking, you've been abandoned by your natural parents, but keep in mind the offer from the Melbourne Roffs to legally adopt you. We really enjoyed your visit and wish you the very happiest of birthdays. Did you get to the 'boks vs wallabies game?

More pics from Magnetic Island

Grant overlooking Alma Bay wearing the shirt Adam and Amanda had tailor-made for him some years ago. It used to be a bit big but note how it now accentuates all his natural curves...
Julia in much the same spot but facing the other direction. This was at the end of a five kilometre walk through the state park. As most of it was vertical, it felt more like 15km.
This is on our sea-kayak adventure with Ray Firth and his son, Chris. The west side of the island has six bays, of which this, Lovers Bay, was the smallest. While we were having lunch we watched a baby sea turtle playing in the water about 10 feet from the shoreline.

Magnetic attraction

Just back from a really nice week on Magnetic Island (off Townsville). Gossip is that Stu, Marianne, Glenn and Sue were also (roughly) in the area at the same time but not close enough to make catching up sensible. We booked accommodation on the internet - always a bit risky - but it turned out to be a very comfortable place right on the water. It was a proper holiday: sleeping in, reading the WHOLE paper, walks to build up an appetite and then frenzied attacks on the local seafood. We bought a couple of handlines to see if we could catch some ourselves but only had modest success. Most of Magnetic Island is national park so development is limited. My old mate from Moree, Ray Firth, was passing with his son to do some hang-gliding and rock climbing in Cairns and they stayed for a few days during which we hired sea kayaks and explored the bays at the little-frequented back of the Island. It's a marine reserve as well so we were entertained by watching turtles sticking their heads up for air and keeping our eyes open for Noah's Arks. It was t-shirt and shorts weather which is a contrast to the 11 degrees which greeted us, along with Amanda, when we got back to Melbourne this afternoon. Cats beat the dogs while we were flying. I was hoping to spend the evening watching SA v Wallabies which the Australian TV guide said was on from 7.30pm but the local guide tells me that because nobody really cares about it here, they'd show a replay at 12.30pm. Melbourne is good but not perfect...

Roff Report: Paper Edition

Hi folks,

I converted the Roff Report to a PDF document and a Word document for your viewing pleasure. The idea is to have a more permanent record of the writings on the the blog, but I discourage you from printing it at the moment. It's 1000 pages long!

I put it into three seperate documents (one for each year), available in two formats. The PDF is great because you can click on the month, or the name of the story and it will take you right there. Once you are there you can click on the comments link and it should open up a web page to show you the comments. Also, most pictures are links that will take you to the web for a larger version.

What I need is an industrious Roff or two to download the word document files and go through and fix up all the formating. We want to get rid of unecessary gaps and make sure it looks consistent.

If you can volunteer for one of the documents that would be great, let us know in the comments. Then email it to roff.report@gmail.com and I will convert the final versions into a PDF.

We should print and bind at least one copy for the Roff archives.

PDF Versions

Roff Report 2006 PDF
Roff Report 2007 PDF
Roff Report 2008 PDF

Word Versions

Roff Report 2006 Word
Roff Report 2007 Word
Roff Report 2008 Word

Clicking on the links above will take you to a file hosting site. The files are totally safe to download. Just click "Click here to start download". There might be a bunch of ads or something asking you if you want to scan your own PC etc. Please avoid these.

A kitting conclusion to semester one.

Tuesday night. 2:00am. 4 degrees. Cloaked in mist and dark, a group of rebel knitters descend on the infamous Hosier Lane. A lookout positioned at either end of the alley. Six bollards in total. Two people per pole, one to hold, one to stitch. One photographer and a getaway driver. "Knitta Litta" unleash their first installation of knitted graffiti art and "the warming" begins.



Statues all over Melbourne quiver in fear that they too will fall victim to the wooly wrath of the guerrilla Knittas. Soon, leg warmers begin appearing on horses. Beanies on Burke and Wills. Signs are scarved. No pole is safe.

In hiding, the rebels recieve their university results. Many remark how accurately these grades reflect the ratio of time spent knitting : time spent studying.

www.knittalitta.blogspot.com

Pure stupidity

Kelly and I just completed the Gold Coast Half Marathon (21 kms) over the weekend. We had been training for a few months, but Lismore viruses meant that it was a less than perfect preparation.

Some may ask "..but why?". Mainly because Kelly's craving preferences over the last three years of our breeding program included KFC, M&M's, and Burger Rings - And I wasn't prepared to buy a turkey sandwhich on rye at the food hall while Kelly was loading up an 'all you can eat container' at the chinese counter.

As a result of the training, we have both reached our goal weight, and Kelly is back into her pre-Lachie Jeans. In saying this, our fitness levels only allowed us to barely finish the Marathon.

Following is a play by play...

0-1km Great atmosphere - much joking and laughing from K and J despite the 4.40am wake up call at the hotel

3km Nice steady pace. Not too fast - petrol will be needed in the tank later on.

8km Kelly; "Jake, just stop talking please.."

10km Jake and Kelly;"Are you serious? We have to do all that again?"

15km Serious decrease in pace. We both discover that we have no feeling below our waist.

18km As our goal is to 'run' the whole distance, we continue to lift our legs in a running motion, but a number of competitors who have run out of gas are easily walking past us.

19km Kelly looks across at my 'running on the spot' style and cracks up, but doesn't have the oxygen to laugh out loud, and therefore starts choking.

20km We decide that as we are about to cramp up and Kelly has lost control of her left leg (it now has a mind of it's own), we will walk off the last km to 'get rid of the lactic acid in our legs'

21km relief (see below)

Lotus Flowers and Mud

If ever you somehow manage to find yourself in the rare situation of having way more money than sense, I can recommend a place in Sydney called “The Argyle”. It’s the sort of place where one minute you buy quite a decent tasting $7 beer and two minutes later, when you go to buy another one because some idiot English backpacker has knocked yours out of your hand, that same beer costs you $11. But this is, of course, only if you managed to get inside.

I once got a call from Alaine to say she and a few friends were going to The Argyle and if I had nothing better to do I could come along. So, rather than sit comfortably in my local and enjoy the Super 14’s I decided to try something different. The only problem was that I wasn’t even allowed past the front door.

“Sorry. You can’t come in wearing that jumper.”
“What…my polar fleece?”
“Yeah, no.”
“OK.”
Daniel begins unzipping his polar fleece.
“Sorry. You can’t come in wearing those shoes.”
“What…my Volleys? You just don’t want me in here do you?”
Nod and a wry smile from the bouncer.

“The Hopetoun”, on the other hand, was a slightly different proposition. We just waltzed right inside, there being nobody on the door to make sure my hair matched my shirt, belt, shoes and nail polish.

Once inside we found they offered some pretty decent Mexican food. There was also some band playing called “The Ukeladies” who did the best cover of “Kokomo” I have heard. Ever. In fact, I think it’s the first time I’ve ever heard the song covered. However, focusing only on the fact the food is good and the band was great is a bit like saying to yourself, “I really enjoyed my holiday in Zimbabwe during the election. The muggings were bad and the intimidation quite horrendous. But I’ve never been able to afford so much creamed corn.”

You see, the pub was rubbish. The drinks were served in plastic cups by the world’s surliest barman this side of Merewether RSL; some bearded git on the door who hadn’t showered since the last time he’d managed to do anything with his life other than get out of bed in the morning abused everybody; and every good looking woman in the room seemed to have a boyfriend. Or was related to me. And because we don’t live in Alabama, that’s a problem.

I am telling you, though, to go and see The Ukeladies. They’re fun, entertaining and immensely talented. Just skip the gig in Harare.