Thursday, October 16

Melbs

Still recovering from the MotoGP in Melbourne and sibling fest at Nagambie. Don't tell the Jim Beam girls.
These are my mates bikes and Dad and my BMW. How good do they look?Dad dropped in on the sibling weekend to complain and give nick a wedgie.There is a wild dog that roams the property called 'Tiger'. Bonnie wasn't too impressed and Tiger has been known to kill and eat other dogs. He takes good care of Amanda though.

Tuesday, October 14

Dance-a-thon 6000 and other unrelated news.

At the age of twenty-two, I performed in my first ever "dance recital" as part of the Melbourne Fringe Festival over the weekend. "Dance-a-thon 6000" was part dance performance, part dance-off, part school reunion-esque disco, complete with nostalgia for rock eisteddfods past. As a member of Anna's Go-Go Academy I performed "The Madison", a 60s line dance which those of you who have seen the original "Hairspray" would recognise. Speaking of hairspray, I used two bottles of "Black Label Hair Lacquer: Incredible Hold!" to construct an impressive beehive for the evening. Here is an attempt at pensive artistic pre-performace photography. As you can see, my hair was too big to fit in the picture.




Miss Anna, the head of the Academy and mastermind behind popular comedy festival show "So You Drink You Can Dance" presented all the go-go girls (and boys) with certificates of achievement at the end of the show. Given the disproportionate amount of time I have spent studying "The Madison" compared to poltitical theory, this certificate may be the most formal qualification I ever receive! It will at least qualify me to teach interested parties a few dance moves for the Roff Christmas Concert.

In other news, it was wonderful to have Adam and Nicholas visit Melbourne last week. A sibling adventure to Amanda's country retreat in Ngambie was held, which much like a football trip involved team bonding, the consumption of vast quantities of alcohol, excessive amounts of food and...lots of lying around in the sun marvelling at the behaviour of ants? Hopefully Adam will post pictures.

Wrapping things up, I urge you all to check out www.dankelly.com(.au?) to hear "The SUV Song" featuring the delightful backing vocals/mobile phone solo stylings of The Ukeladies

xo Annika

Wednesday, October 8

KAMA

You deserve everything you get for eating McDonald's! No sympathy here!

Grant, how was Phillip Island. Nick told me you were very "tired" upon your return; Spannerman had to work very hard. What is the story? And how good is Rossi? Twelth to second!

Monday, October 6

House allocations

My first attempt to use Youtube - Grant as Dumbledore at Roff Christmas '02 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55JtCTyCelg
Jake

On the wings of a sea-eagle

I have been moved by Manly's wonderful 40-0 drubbing of the Storm to reflect on how good and just is life (sometimes). Congratulations to Cal Roff and Ash Roff for having the perseverence and imagination to fly with the sea-eagles. We've had some down-draughts, we've had to eat moss instead of whiting, but who's soaring now?

Is this a picture of prince Harry and prince Will at Balmoral Castle? No, its Andrew and Rowan at Jolly's Boathouse with the King William St bridge in the background, but life is good for the Adelaide princes. It was great to have Glenn and Sue visit us last week. They raided the op-shops, as is their want, but equally at home on the verandah of D'Arenburg's at Mclaren Vale appreciating a local sav/blanc. To work off the calories we went down to Encounter Bay to undertake the taxing King's Beach walk (note the gentleman in the Manly-Warringah guernsy holding a New Zealand fur-seal). It was an added bonus to have Daniel visit. He fitted in very well, buying lots of Coopers' Ale and providing some classy guitar entertainment at Andrew's house party.


Glenn and Sue enjoyed their visit although Sue was worried about Glenn's increasing cholesterol count and here points to the visible effects of too much good hospitality in South Australia.


I was very proud to be able to move Andrew's admission as a solicitor and barrister of the Supreme Court of South Australia a couple of weeks ago. Yes, Grant, I have put on some weight, and no I'm not wearing fish-net stockings underneath the regalia (although I must admit I did enjoy dressing up?).


Lots of love to all.
Ash


Sunday, October 5

Does Sarah Palin really get her information from the Roff Report?

Click on image to enlarge.

LOVE HOLIDAYS

Good luck to the Armidale Roffs on their great adventure to Lightning Ridge and beyond. I reckon it will be like a Chevy Chase movie but the Ridge will be much better than "Wally World". I wish I could go and take a camera! Speaking of cameras, I took mine on a dive with the sharks at South West Rocks - unfortunately it filled with water but the dive was incredible - you swim through a cave and come out the other side into sunlight blotted out by sharks, rays, turtles and thousands of fish. I hand fed a giant turtle and tickled the belly of a big sting ray but gave the sharks their own personal space!
Fiji looks great Jake and Kelly - Marianne and I were trying to talk Millie into going to the Coral Coast instead of her announced destination of IRAN! In the end Mil settled for India in January so we were relieved about that but the Fiji deals looked great and is much safer.

Saturday, October 4

WYDO8 and Movies

Stations of the Cross-Damian and Amy were up close and personal
Amy and her friend Araluen meet Casey Donovan at WYDO8


Jenny here....
I attach a couple of shots from WYD. Amy and Damian had a wonderful time mixing with other pilgrims and sharing the spirit. It was an amazing experience for Amy and one she will never forget. She is already talking about going overseas to a WYD in the future.
Has anyone seen any of my movie selections? I challenge all Roffs to watch my top three and then report back. I reckon you will all post at least one of them as your new favourite funniest family friendly movie. On second thoughts, Talledega Knights maybe isn't all that family friendly, but it is hilarious.
We are off to Lightning Ridge for a camping holiday on Monday and will send a blog upon our return. We had the pleasure this week of the Norman family from Gero visiting us for 3 nights and setting up their camper trailer in our back yard. They are half way through a 6 month trip around Australia with their 3 sons aged 14, 9 and 15 months - brave souls. My sister Kathy also visited and she sends her love to all Roffs. She is planning to make it to Lismore for a few days after Christmas.
Get busy watching those movies!!!

Friday, October 3

Amy's top three movies

Amy here
My top three movies are
1. The Dark Night (Batman)
2. The Mask
3. Grease

Jenny's top three movies (family friendly of course)
1. Elf
2. School of Rock
3. Taledega Knights

What do you reckon? Anyone like to post theirs?

Tuesday, September 30

Pictorial of cousin Sandra (and Ben's) wedding in Fiji - Lachlan was page boy, Kelly bridesmaid






Young Lismore Roffs hit Fiji (well the youngest - Maisie - stayed at home with the Grandparents) for cousin Sandra Aarts' wedding. We stayed 5 nights and found out what 'living on Fiji time' meant. Lachlan will possibly never have a better time in his entire life - Buffet breakfast every morning, pool every day, boat rides, up late dancing with Fiji villagers etc. He loved it, as did his old man (as seen from the last photo - Bottom line, I shredded the dance floor and slept easy that night!)

Monday, September 29

My motorbike jacket is useless in Kakadu

Hi folks. I managed to fit it all in my back pack so I thought I should give a running commentry of events to fill up some airtime on the blog.

I flew into Darwin with all my motorbike gear, and my camping gear, and my computer stuff. The towel has come in handy but everything else has been dead weight so far.

I hired a Hyundai Getz (supercheap 3 door hatchback) with my mate and we snuck in a quick road trip before the conference begins. Really, really crappy car. The speed limit sign says 130 here but you can pretty much go as fast as you want. The road trains do anyway. 2 dudes in a packed car are no match for these monsters. We spent alot of time at full throttle with our fingers crossed.

NT is a magical place. Some Arnhem Land kids on a school trip taught us where to do back flips in a gorge in Litchfield National Park. Awesome. And we spent some time looking at rock art. I found a painting of a Tasmanian Tiger which have been extinct on the mainland for thousands of years. One of the elders wrote a message to vistors with his fears that they were losing their culture and their people and it would be up to us to remember their stories: that we came from the land and that we will return to the land, that we are custodians not masters, and that the land is part of us.

You can see where modern aboriginal art gets its inspiration from when you see the landscape form any sot of elevation.

Strange, rocky and very old country up here. The soils are crap but everything stays green somehow.
We became a bit fascinated with crocs towards the end of the trip. This warning sign was at East Alligater river which borders Arnhem Land and Kakadu.
Since it didn't say no swimming 'Adam' we got a bit closer. Anyway, the locals didn't seem too freaked out. There were Barra' jumping out of the water everywhere and these salties were going for it. The fishos were competing with the crocs and having fun doing it.

The crocs seemed busy to me so I got a bit closer for some photos for the Roff Report.

They are surprisingly placid up close.

Actually, I take that back. They are killing machines that have been eating everything they get near unchanged for 100 million years. Don't go anywhere near them folks. They can come at you at 70km/h. It's just not safe.

Thursday, September 25

Packing

So I am going away for 2 weeks and I am having a little bit of trouble. I have a series of wildly unconnected events to attend without being able to return home. Everything has to fit into a backpack and I have to be able to do the following.

Arrive in Darwin for for a few days in Kakadu.
Temperature around 35 degrees C. Wet Season.

- DEET mosquito repellent
- Hat
- Thongs
- Shorts
- Towel
- Shirt
- Tent
- Sheets
- Sleeping Mat
- Pillow
- Digital SLR with charger, memory card etc.
-Umbrella
- Crocodile repllent

ok so far.

Present at a Remote Sensing Conference

- Light Wool Suit
- Dress Shoes
- Laptop
- 500Gb Hard Drive
- Mouse
- Keyboard
- Software dongle
- Smart phone
- Note to self: write the paper I am presenting at some point

Starting to look difficult.

Fly directly to Melbourne for the Melbourne Motorcycle Grand Prix.
Temperature around 10 degrees C. It is still winter there for some reason.

- Leather Jacket
- Riding Boots
- Motorcycle gloves
- Motorcycle helmet
- Tent
- Bedroll
- Clean sheets!
- Lots of beer
- Iron stomach
- Hardy constitution

The next day,

- Present my PhD research for the board of my funding body
- Do my research for my PhD, not necessarily in that order

Go to Ngambie in the VIC wine country.

- Warm clothes
- Snake repllent
- All my brothers and sisters in the same place!
- Lots of wine

Baggage limit. 20kg. Must be able to carry independently with an option to hitchhike.

Tuesday, September 23

Film Review - WALL E

I took the kids to see WALL E on Sunday. It was pretty good. I liked it. 9/10.

Monday, September 22

Australia Decides 2008

For the October long weekend I'm thinking about going on a short holiday. I've narrowed the decision down to two (2) choices and I need your help, "Roff Report". The options are Brisbane or Adelaide. You have until Tuesday afternoon to vote.

(I'll be in Melbourne over the New Year period, Armidale (hopefully) towards Christmas and Perth is, like, all the way over in Western Australia, so it wasn't even considered.)

Bear in mind in your decision making that by the time the long weekend comes around I will have, on that very Friday, finished my annual 'giving up alcohol for one month' routine.

On a slightly different note, I have a brief story for Damian.

I occasionally assist Legal Aid with what's called 'the list' at some of the Local Courts in Sydney and it just means you give legal advice to anyone who asks, represent people at short notice if they fit within the means test or make bail applications on behalf of people that have been recently arrested. On this particular day I was doing the bail applications.

Our hero in this story had been arrested after a fight with his de facto partner. According to the police, it began over the music he was playing on his record player and escalated from there. After taking instructions, making the appearance and, in spite of me, his getting bail, I went back down to the cells to explain his bail conditions.

Finally, temptation got the better of me.
"What were you playing that made your missus so angry?"
"Ted Nugent's Double Live Gonzo Album."
"Nice."

Daniel.

Saturday, September 20

Alternate dimension

The Large Hadron Collider is having an effect: it's started to offer us glimpses into bizzare alternate realities. Below is just one chilling example - in this universe, very different from our own, Ashley Roff is a respected, upstanding pillar of the legal community...





Spooky.

My gaff

Hey everyone, Adam gave me a digital camera for my birthday! Best brother ever (not counting Nick and Dom). So get ready for visual excitement in my future posts. In the meantime, how about some boring scenes from my day to day life. Above mansion is my home at 46 O'Grady st North Carlton. I share it with my two beautiful wives Courtney Collins (scholar, novelist and mystic. Good cook. Steals my clothes) and Lilith Lane (renowned Melbourne musician and tap dancer, played keyboards in the Countdown revival tour, which lead to me sitting around the pool at the Radison Motel in Newcastle, drinking beers with Jon English, Leo Sayer and Brian Mannix. What a night.)
My washing. Note in the middle, my new t-shirt, merchandise of the band "Cut Sick" a brilliant 90's revival punk band from Melbourne. In the undies department (foreground) I favour BONDS boy leg, size 14. Although my arse is technically a size 12, I despise visable panty line (VPL) and unsightly bulges (muffin top) and find that buying a size up reduces the possibility of these crimes against nature and increases comfort! I expect the comments section will be writhing with debate on this subject.
The washing up. We have a house inspection on Monday so I will definitely have to throw a towel over this lot.
The contents of my fridge. Staple diet includes porridge with yoghurt and honey and fruit. Mung beans, miso, tofu, alfalfa, brown rice, lentils, red kidney beans...hippie food. We never eat meat at home which explains why you see me crying with joy over the barbeque at christmas. Note jumbo container of olives on top shelf. I got 2 of these for 12 bux at Brunswick safeway. Total bargain. Also note on top of the tub of honey, top shelf- a jar of Meredith goats cheese- the best goats cheese in the world.You must try it.

The barbeque...need to build the bricks into a sort of circle thing and put that black round thing on them. Its a weber.

Say tuned for more fascinating crap about me. xxxx

Friday, September 19

Plugging the Black Hole

Very quiet on the Roff Report. Perhaps portalled to another dimension?
A couple of items that may fill the gap.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktiZo1ZwA3Q
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PS02hI7NEvM
The last video I posted I recall was judged as close to a waste of time and space. This may fall into the same category so WARNING: only for those with time to spare and waste.
Brendan

Wednesday, September 10

Bond, James Bond

New Pad

Monica and I have moved to a leafy new pad in Bronte. We have lorikeets tapping on the window to wake us up in the morning instead of Irish back packers. And we can still walk to the beach! Yay!

We welcome guests and have a spare bed if you are passing through town. We are at 5/19A Brown Street, Bronte, NSW, 2024. If you are in the hood, drop past.

Saturday, September 6

BIRTHDAY GIRL

Happy Birthday SUE! 1950 must have been a great year. Let's hope Glenn looks after you and spoils you today!

Thursday, September 4

Ukeladies dates

AUGIE MARCH WATCH ME DISAPPEAR AUSTRALIAN TOUR

With special guests Dan Kelly with The Ukeladies
Tix on Sale September 11th

Thursday 30th October - Metro Theatre Sydney NSW
624 George Street, SYDNEY
Tickets $33 +bf pre-sales / $38 door
from Metro Theatre on (02) 9550 3666 www.metrotheatre.com.au &
Ticketek on 132849 www.ticketek.com.au Doors open 8pm

Monday 3rd November - Regal Theatre Perth WA
www.regaltheatre.com.au
474 Hay Street, SUBIACO
Tickets $45 +bf pre-sales / $50 door from Ticketek on 132 849
www.ticketek.com.au & all Ticketek agencies Doors open 8pm

Saturday 8th November - The Uni Bar Hobart TAS
Churchill Avenue, SANDY BAY
Tickets $33 +bf pre-sales / $38 door from www.oztix.com.au
augiemarch.oztix.com.au & these outlets:
Ruffcut Records: 33A Elizabeth St Mall, Hobart (03) 6234 8600
Mojo Music: 81 Brisbane Street, Launceston (03) 6334 5677
& thru the venue at University of Tasmania Union (03) 6226 2495
Doors open 8pm

Thursday 13th November - Governor Hindmarsh Adelaide SA
www.thegov.com.au
59 Port Road, HINDMARSH
Tickets $33 +bf pre-sales / $38 door from www.venuetix.com.au,
www.moshtix.com.au & at the venue (08) 8340 0744
Doors open 8pm

Saturday 15th November - Ormond Hall Melbourne VIC
www.ormondhall.com.au 557 St Kilda Road, MELBOURNE
Tickets $33 +bf pre-sales / $38 door from the venue on (03) 9529 3111,
www.oztix.com.au augiemarch.oztix.com.au & these outlets:
Polyester Records, City: 288 Flinders Lane, Melbourne (03) 9663 8696
Polyester Records, Fitzroy: 387 Brunswick Street, Fitzroy (03) 9419 5137
Missing Link: 405 Bourke Street, Melbourne (03) 9670 8208
Greville Records: 152 Greville Street, Prahran (03) 9510 3012
Doors open 8pm

Friday 28th November - The Tivoli Brisbane QLD
www.thetivoli.net.au
52 Costin Street, FORTITUDE VALLEY
Tickets $33 +bf pre-sales / $40 door from Ticketek on 132 849
www.ticketek.com.au
Doors open 7.30pm

Monday, September 1

Holidays

I have decided to go to Lightning Ridge in the holidays. I have tried to have a picture with my blogs just like Andrew. I hope it works.

Saturday, August 30

Breaking news

Amanda's band, the Ukeladies, will be touring nationally before Christmas as part of the support act for Augie March (pictured below). The tour is covering all the capital cities so start saving for your tickets. The support is actually Dan Kelly but Amanda and May are singing in his band and will no doubt get to do some of their own stuff as well as backing Dan. Dan's actually playing guitar in the Augie March band. Got it? I'll post the tour dates when they're firmed up.


Monday, August 25

I'm not one to gossip, but...

Marriage break-ups are always disturbing (except for Tom and Niclole, Pamela and Tommy Lee, Stuart and Marianne and a few others) but does anyone know the identity of the "prominent rugby player" involved in the Brett Lee case? I have a theory (and it may explain the lingering groin injury) but any further information would be interesting...

Sunday, August 24

So you think you can dance?




HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANIEL

Saturday, August 23

Royal visit

Julia's mum, Norma, visited today. She now lives in a residential care unit in the Melbourne suburb of Ferntree Gully but is regularly visited and gets out occasionally with her kids, Robert, Adrian, Julia and Venita. Here she is with Annika and Dom just after lunch.

In other family news, Dom has a cold which has prevented him from going to school for one day this week but, curiously, hasn't prevented him from going to the Dogs v Essendon game last night or planning to go to the new Ben Stiller movie tonight. Second last soccer game is tomorrow and there's still a chance to pick up the premiership but with the usual permutations of team A having to lose to team B and team C having to beat team D by X goals. Annika's new glasses are working well and she's making enough to get by on by babysitting. Ask her at Christmas about the "baby whisperers" - a technique of child rearing which has clearly escaped the Roff radar.

Thursday, August 21

Anyone can comment

We have taken off the password for comments so now anyone can make a comment. Go for it! Just remember to let us know who you are.

Also, don't forget you can post by email by sending your message to

roff_report.auto@blogger.com

Now there is no excuse for not getting involved in the blog!

Wednesday, August 20

Adam - what am I doing with the Roff Report exactly, its looks great so I'm not sure what I am meant to be editing (apart from some lame jokes in there).
Also is there any chance we can show some of the comments? They're some of the best parts...
feel free to email me detailed instructions at chateroff@hotmail.com

Cheers!
Kate

Monday, August 18

ABC News Video

Click HERE to see some video. I think it might get ugly with the Queensland Government tomorrow.

Friday, August 15

Big Brother



I've been working with Prof. Richard Kingsford on using satellite imagery to detect illegal dams in the Murray Darling Basin and we broke a big story today. Look out for it on ABC News on TV tonight.

The Queensland Government said we got it wrong.

Premier Rann from S.A. said illegal dams are an act of terror!

Prime Minister Rudd said "I'll look forward to a factual report on this. I haven't received one yet, and once we've received that report, we'll take the necessary action."

It's pretty scarey to see it go down in public like this. The QLD Premier said we made an honest mistake. It's going to end up in a cage match with State leaders at this rate. I'm a bit worried the report will get picked to pieces in Canberra and I will end up looking like a Nuff Nuff.

Uke's nuke Manchester Lane

The Uleladies shone in last night's show at the prestegious Manchester Lane bar. They opened for one of their friends, Lillith Lane, whose band includes two members of Paul Kelly's standing band. The Ukes than added backing vocals for Lillith during her show and finished the evening with a knockout rendition of "Perhaps".

Among the celebrity guests at the gig were Annika and her mate, Meg. Annika is showing off her new glasses. She underwent an eye test a few weeks ago and the optometrist couldn't believe she got her driver's licence. Annika can't believe the improvement, either. She used to go to sleep while she was reading which, she thought, happened because reading is relaxing. Turns out she was going to sleep because reading was such an effort. Movies make a lot more sense now as well. The previous reading difficulty may also account for her poor academic results. We're expecting better now...
In other news, I had a week in bed recently with food poisoning. I had to go to a gastroenterologist and he's booked me in for the autopsy or whatever it's called for bowel cancer. I know the Forrest side of the family hasn't fared too well, but is there actually any evidence of it in the Roff side? We're enjoying the olympics - particularly the women's 200m relay win. How come Tom isn't representing us in judo? He was leading the Australian rankings in his weight last time I checked. Dom has two games left in the soccor season and it's still technically possible for his team to snare the premiership. It's a tough competition, though. Nick might make it into his rugby finals as well, which might prompt a lighting raid on Newcastle on frequent-flyer points.

Groff Community College

I was watching a show called "American Dad!" last night and noticed that the school attended by one of the characters is called Groff Community College. No doubt a fine institution.

Wednesday, August 13

Yeah, but can the Chinese gymnasts do this?

We have started Maisie young. The Chinese girls look like they may be pre-pubescent. We've decided to start training in the pre-toddler stage. It's looking good for London 2012!

It seems as though Amanda is getting alot of thanks in the Roff Report these days, but to add to that... Thanks Amanda for the tickets to 'Splendour In The Grass'. I took Uncle Mick (Sue's sister Helen's muso (well... drummer) husband, and although it was the end of the weekend and there was some sloppy behaviour being exhibited from the "two days of partying" crowd, we saw some good shows and are very appreciative of your thoughtfulness.

Otherwise, we are riding out the bugs that Lachie keeps bringing home from child care, and I am eagerly awaiting (as is the whole student and staff body of Woodlawn) the slide show of Glenns' holy land visit which he is showing at the next school assembly.

Thursday, August 7

WHAT ACCIDENT?

Come clean, Damio!!!!! What has happened to the Falcon? Was anyone hurt? Was the CIA involved?

THE AUGUST PARTY

Happy birthday on the 9th, John, "the Rock": it's time for the August Party once again!

Tuesday, August 5

Thanks Amanda

Amanda gave me a cookbook in 1995 for Christmas; What's for Dinner Dad? by Damian Lovelock.
Tonight I cooked North Carolina BBQ chicken and it was unreal. Everyone liked it. As a cookbook I am rating it just below the Womens Weekly recipe book. I just wanted this chance to thank Amanda for that great present in 95.